House of Leaves Squished Edition
by Lawn Trout
Summary: Inspired by Book A Minute. Mark Z. Danielewski's House of Leaves in a nutshell.


**House of Leaves (Squished version)**

Johnny Truant comes from a TORTURED past, his only friend and stoner buddy, Lude (whose name in no way suggests the same connotation as the word LEWD) invites him over to his apartment building where an OLD MAN named ZAMPANO has DIED in one of the neighboring apartments.

**LUDE**

"Let's jack his shit!"

_(They do.)_

Johnny finds a TRUNK and it is full of WEIRD SHIT. He takes it home because he feels compelled to, but really he is simply BORED. He goes home and entertains LUSTFUL MUSINGS about a PROSTITUTE nicknamed THUMPER who regularly visits the tatoo parlour where Johnny works.

**JOHNNY**

"I get hard now just from watching Thumper the Rabbit in Bambi."

One day, Johnny picks through Zampano's trunk and he finds scraps of an essay Zampano was writing entitled THE NAVIDSON RECORD. It is about a FICTIONAL movie about a FICTIONAL photographer and his family moving into a FICTIONAL house that is bigger on the inside than the outside. Johnny decides to reconstruct the essay from the scraps in the trunk.

**JOHNNY**

"I'm going to need MORE DRUGS for this."

He quickly finds that Zampano's essay is IMPENETRABLE because it is based off SYMBOLS and MEANINGS that carried significance only to Zampano. The Navidson Record is full of METAPHORS and ALLEGORIES about the darkness at the heart of a family and the individuals within and the stress and trials it puts them through before they all MATURE as people and realize the LOVE and DEVOTION they have for one another. Johnny MISINTERPRETS this as DEEP INSIGHT into the UNFATHOMABLE CHAOS hiding behind our individual perceptions of the universe.

**JOHNNY**

"I am going to begin writing my personal thoughts between these pages and how Zampano's insights intertwine with my life experiences. Also, this essay is fucking creepy, but I can't stop reading it even though it is TURNING my LIFE to SHIT."

_(Johnny's life progressively TURNS TO SHIT. He TELLS US ABOUT IT in a series of stories.)_

Zampano's essay, Johnny's life, and the events of The Navidson Record gradually merge into an ELABORATE but MIND NUMBINGLY complex LABYRINTH of text, showing how LIFE is often a maze of meanings and experiences and that EVERYTHING is INTERCONNECTED via cultural MYTHS, shared WISDOMS, and/or primal FEARS.

MARK Z DANIELEWSKI shows this labyrinth by writing EXCESSIVE and IRRELEVANT footnotes that CHANGE SHAPE throughout the novel. He also uses COLORED FONTS to make a MINOR point, but because colors are DISTRACTING readers get stuck thinking the colored portions are MORE IMPORTANT than the rest of the book. To FURTHER COMPLICATE matters, he also strikes out certain passages of Zampano's essay to make the reader THINK. Unfortunately, this also inspires readers to ONLY pay attention to COLORFUL STRUCK OUT PASSAGES.

**EASILY DELUDED READER**

"Oh my God, I don't know if the Minotaur is real or not! Who built Navidson's house? Why is it so dark and creepy? Why the hell is Johnny talking about his past girlfriends and problems with his mom and childhood? What does that have to do with anything?"

**JOHNNY**

"I can't keep going on like this. I've lost my job, my apartment, my best friend, I can't sleep at night, and I have no money. I'm going to try and find Navidson's house."

_(He tries, but he finds JACK and SHIT.)_

Johnny meets up with Thumper and they have a NICE CHAT.

Later, he mails Zampano's essay to a publisher along with his footnotes. He sends more journal entries to them as he travels. They are about his search for his CHILDHOOD ROOTS. Johnny finds the INSANE ASYLUM where his mother lived out her life after accidentally dropping BOILING OIL on Johnny when he was a kid.

He travels to a bar where the bartender gives him a FREE BEER. Johnny listens to the local band playing and realizes that their lyrics are from Zampano's essay. He asks them about it, and they show him the book Johnny mailed to the publisher. The band RECALLS how they still WONDER what ever happened to that JOHNNY TRUANT guy and if he ever found TRUE LOVE.

Johnny thanks them and LEAVES to CONSIDER his life. He finally comes to terms with his past, forgives himself and his parents, and MOVES ON WITH HIS LIFE. Thus, like Mr. Navidson was physically wounded from his journey into the LABYRINTHINE house but returned ENLIGHTENED, Johnny too has been beaten and broken by his MAZE of life and emerged with new SELF UNDERSTANDING.

**NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE**

"Ah, I'm glad my Allegory of the Heart is still alive among modern authors."

**EASILY DELUDED READER**

"That was the scariest book I've ever read!"

**MARK Z DANIELEWSKI**

"It's a LOVE STORY."

**EASILY DELUDED READER**

"Nuh uh!"

**MARK Z DANIELEWSKI**

_(Facepalm.)_

THE END.


End file.
